I bought your book as a pre-order when it debuted and have been too busy to read it since. 🤦♀️ Definitely time to prioritize! Enoughness (it's a word now!) and slow is especially resonating with me, and I have a friend in major burnout who needs it. You mention intersections but we're struggling with how to replace lost income from slowing down when we're already operating with very tight margins. Capitalism just doesn't care. Is this something you could speak to in a future letter? (Or tell me which chapter of the book to jump to lol) I totally get the necessity of cutting back but the privilege to do so is the reality we're having trouble navigating. In my friend's case she is so burnt out after an accident she genuinely needs a full stop from work but has no safety net to actually do that. Thanks!
Hi Jessica. Thank you for being here! I will not be one of those annoying authors who says, read the book, because I also know what a privilege it is to even have time to sit down and read a book! And the theme of what to do, in the face of these collective stressors, traumas and structural deficits (generous term) is threaded through. Boundaries is always a good place to start (chapter 5 😝). (Okay so I am being one of those annoying authors).
My even longer answer is that I’m constantly thinking about the push and pull of personal versus collective change. I think it’s a both, and.
So in the case of your friend, I’m glad that she’s identified she needs a full stop (I actually have an example in Chapter 5 of a de identified example). And I’d be wondering about the safety net and how to build it. Is there a way that maybe it is there but looks different? Neighbors? Friends of friends who can pitch in. What is her history of asking for and receiving help? (Chapter 6). I know it’s hard and not trying to trivialize a situation that objectively sounds very challenging. And, in my humble opinion and what I’ve seen time & time again w patients and in myself , even small acts of exerting personal agency can shift how we feel about our circumstances.
Thank you so much for replying and that you did so promptly! Much appreciated. And I *did* ask which chapter lol. Maybe I'll pass her my copy to read before I do, I know we both need it, truly, and of course I bought it with the full intention to do so!
You're not trivializing at all, by the way. You can't possibly adequately address a complex situation you have two paragraphs of summary of, and I only gave it as background to my direct question about the interplay between personal and structural anyway. You know? Your comment was generous to touch on her situation at all. Thanks. :)
Can’t believe I missed this on first read - THANK YOu for being a pre-orderer !!! ❤️❤️❤️ what a gift. preorders help SO much to how bookstores and the industry responds to a book especially for a debut author
Sometimes, when I'm financially able, if there's a book I know I probably won't get to read but appreciate its existence I'll buy or pre-order the ebook so it doesn't take up space but still supports the author.
And I almost always put a request in to my major Canadian city's library system for copies, which is both free for me to do and can have a bigger impact because it extends reach possibility AND Canada requires authors get paid for library use. 😉
Library requests is a ninja-level book support! I only learned about it when my book came out and was soo appreciative. Those of you deep reading these comments make note :)
I'm enjoying your posts! Real Self-Care is a much needed resource; I've been recommending it to a lot of people lately. Hope you're able to take all the slow you need. :)
I love this post and the concept behind it, and I’ve been taking steps to do the same. My struggle is work: I am in a billable role with a target number of hours for the month, so I don’t have much leeway to give up time there. This means that any additional “slowness” I take is with my personal or family life, and so I constantly feel like I am sacrificing the things I actually want to prioritize for the things I have to, and my life and family get the bare minimum. Probably a common struggle, but I’m curious about your perspective!
My first thought might be polarizing (and pls keep in mind that the comments section is not therapy and if I were working w a patient on this, it would take months (maybe years) over conversations on this). But my question would be how much money do I/ we *actually* need to live in the place we live, and live the life we want to be living. And then, drill down from there. This comes down to being brutally honest about finances and being willing to either have less or live somewhere else in service of your mental health. I know that might sound extreme ! And I know there is privilege involved in being able to move. But if I were working with a patient on this (and, I have from different angles) I would be thinking about if the place I’m living allows me to have a life where I can feel healthy and fulfilled (emotionally, physically, professionally, creatively). Again, can take years to get to the place where you could be ready to take the leap but, as opposed to feeling stuck and trapped by your job, is it possible to have a Vision for 5 years out, and then calculate back, and consider what needs to happen now. First step might just be randomly googling other locales/neighborhoods/ cities (countries, in the case of some of my patients!). (Acknowledging I’m making a lot of assumptions here as I don’t know a lot of context about your situation)
I bought your book as a pre-order when it debuted and have been too busy to read it since. 🤦♀️ Definitely time to prioritize! Enoughness (it's a word now!) and slow is especially resonating with me, and I have a friend in major burnout who needs it. You mention intersections but we're struggling with how to replace lost income from slowing down when we're already operating with very tight margins. Capitalism just doesn't care. Is this something you could speak to in a future letter? (Or tell me which chapter of the book to jump to lol) I totally get the necessity of cutting back but the privilege to do so is the reality we're having trouble navigating. In my friend's case she is so burnt out after an accident she genuinely needs a full stop from work but has no safety net to actually do that. Thanks!
Hi Jessica. Thank you for being here! I will not be one of those annoying authors who says, read the book, because I also know what a privilege it is to even have time to sit down and read a book! And the theme of what to do, in the face of these collective stressors, traumas and structural deficits (generous term) is threaded through. Boundaries is always a good place to start (chapter 5 😝). (Okay so I am being one of those annoying authors).
My even longer answer is that I’m constantly thinking about the push and pull of personal versus collective change. I think it’s a both, and.
So in the case of your friend, I’m glad that she’s identified she needs a full stop (I actually have an example in Chapter 5 of a de identified example). And I’d be wondering about the safety net and how to build it. Is there a way that maybe it is there but looks different? Neighbors? Friends of friends who can pitch in. What is her history of asking for and receiving help? (Chapter 6). I know it’s hard and not trying to trivialize a situation that objectively sounds very challenging. And, in my humble opinion and what I’ve seen time & time again w patients and in myself , even small acts of exerting personal agency can shift how we feel about our circumstances.
Thank you so much for replying and that you did so promptly! Much appreciated. And I *did* ask which chapter lol. Maybe I'll pass her my copy to read before I do, I know we both need it, truly, and of course I bought it with the full intention to do so!
You're not trivializing at all, by the way. You can't possibly adequately address a complex situation you have two paragraphs of summary of, and I only gave it as background to my direct question about the interplay between personal and structural anyway. You know? Your comment was generous to touch on her situation at all. Thanks. :)
Can’t believe I missed this on first read - THANK YOu for being a pre-orderer !!! ❤️❤️❤️ what a gift. preorders help SO much to how bookstores and the industry responds to a book especially for a debut author
😂❤️ I'm a writer, I UNDERSTAND lol
Sometimes, when I'm financially able, if there's a book I know I probably won't get to read but appreciate its existence I'll buy or pre-order the ebook so it doesn't take up space but still supports the author.
And I almost always put a request in to my major Canadian city's library system for copies, which is both free for me to do and can have a bigger impact because it extends reach possibility AND Canada requires authors get paid for library use. 😉
love this. Lately I've started sending the books to friends (unsolicited, ha). I like the ebook idea! And the library thing is great too!!
Library requests is a ninja-level book support! I only learned about it when my book came out and was soo appreciative. Those of you deep reading these comments make note :)
I'm enjoying your posts! Real Self-Care is a much needed resource; I've been recommending it to a lot of people lately. Hope you're able to take all the slow you need. :)
Appreciate you being here Chris. And thank you for sharing the message !
I love this post and the concept behind it, and I’ve been taking steps to do the same. My struggle is work: I am in a billable role with a target number of hours for the month, so I don’t have much leeway to give up time there. This means that any additional “slowness” I take is with my personal or family life, and so I constantly feel like I am sacrificing the things I actually want to prioritize for the things I have to, and my life and family get the bare minimum. Probably a common struggle, but I’m curious about your perspective!
My first thought might be polarizing (and pls keep in mind that the comments section is not therapy and if I were working w a patient on this, it would take months (maybe years) over conversations on this). But my question would be how much money do I/ we *actually* need to live in the place we live, and live the life we want to be living. And then, drill down from there. This comes down to being brutally honest about finances and being willing to either have less or live somewhere else in service of your mental health. I know that might sound extreme ! And I know there is privilege involved in being able to move. But if I were working with a patient on this (and, I have from different angles) I would be thinking about if the place I’m living allows me to have a life where I can feel healthy and fulfilled (emotionally, physically, professionally, creatively). Again, can take years to get to the place where you could be ready to take the leap but, as opposed to feeling stuck and trapped by your job, is it possible to have a Vision for 5 years out, and then calculate back, and consider what needs to happen now. First step might just be randomly googling other locales/neighborhoods/ cities (countries, in the case of some of my patients!). (Acknowledging I’m making a lot of assumptions here as I don’t know a lot of context about your situation)
Interesting, thanks! These are some of the questions I ask myself every day :)
Austin during SXSW is something! I miss it. Not the traffic though. I think these 3 steps are brilliant. We don’t assign enough “play” to adults!