To avoid burnout, turn toward what you love
A story from my thirties.
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Hi folks,
Earlier this month, I had the opportunity to bring real self-care to two schools in New England — Phillips Academy Andover and Bryant University in Rhode Island. Speaking to high school students and educators reminded me of a formative story that happened for me in my 30s. I’m sharing that story with you all today.
Back in 2018, I was a full-time faculty member at George Washington University in the psychiatry department. I was burnt out (again, ha) so I was trying to find professional activities that were creative and more aligned with my values. I did as any self-respecting geriatric millennial doctor does and launched a professional Instagram account called @womensmentalhealthdoc and started microblogging about conditions like postpartum depression, anxiety, and the like.
This led to the New York Times reaching out and asking me to write about women's mental health. Around this time, I was working on a new piece for the Times about perinatal, mood, and anxiety disorders during the pandemic, and wanted to interview other expert sources. So, I reached out to Dr. Samantha Meltzer-Brody MD MPH, a perinatal psychiatrist and a top leader in the field; she’s now the chair of the psychiatry department at the University of North Carolina.
At the time, I was really nervous for the conversation. Dr. Meltzer-Brody was at the pinnacle of the path that I did not take: she was an academic psychiatrist - a researcher — and here I was dabbling in social media and writing for a lay audience. I’d heard her speak at conferences and meetings, but I had never interacted with her personally. To my surprise, Dr. Meltzer-Brody ended up giving me the most amazing gift during that conversation.
The first thing that she said to me when she picked up the phone was, “Pooja, thank you so much for the incredible work that you're doing with your writing. You're helping so many women.”
Her sincere comment was such a light bulb moment for me. Wait, “Oh, I am helping people!” I’m doing it differently than someone like her, but I am doing something valuable.
Now, not all academics or researchers have this mentality. You can find plenty of folks doing hard science who see the lab as the only path to purpose. However, by Dr. Meltzer-Brody, in her generosity and her flexibility, was able to give me something that I had not yet been able to give myself: she saw me.
I know it might sound silly that such a small remark from another psychiatrist hit me so hard. But, the reality is that at that time in my life, my circle was mostly made up of other academic psychiatrists and physicians. I had not yet proven to myself that there could be ways to be a doctor and also be a writer and a creative. And, since I had only been in practice for a couple years at that point, I still felt beholden to what I had learned as a student and resident eg. that peer reviewed papers and grant money were the markers of “making it.”
Somebody like Dr. Meltzer-Brody seeing my contributions and affirming them gave me confidence and the ability to say to myself, “Yes, what you have to offer is also valuable.” No, I didn’t follow the path of traditional science research and communication like I thought I would. But I am using my talents to translate the broader picture of public health, especially for women.1
I was reminded me of what I often tell my patients (and, which at that time was time hard for me to internalize myself): the real magic happens when you enjoy the journey (I know, I know, it’s cliché — but it's true). Not only is there room for everybody at the top, but there’s an infinite amount of ways to climb the mountain. (And, you don’t have to climb at all!) True success is understanding that your path is truly your own.
Flash forward seven years (yes, it’s actually been seven years since 2018, wtf), and I not only wrote a bestselling book, but I have a growing newsletter, and writing is a huge part of my everyday work life. In fact, I just signed a lease to rent a “writing studio” outside my home, where I’ll be seeing my patients virtually and working on my next book (and writing to you!). It’s a tiny one-bedroom in the suburbs of Austin, nothing fancy, but it’s only a quick 10-minute drive from my house and, in many ways, feels like a huge accomplishment in my career is an author.
Now, getting back to the reason I was inspired to share this story with you: when I was visiting schools earlier this month, I spent a lot of time addressing the issue that is plaguing so many educators and students alike: burnout. Now felt like the right time to remind you that while the seeds of burnout stem from much larger systemic issues— it’s also true that we have some control over the paths we decide to strive toward. Disconnection from what brings us purpose and meaning in life is not only a symptom of burnout, but also a self-reinforcing pattern.
When we are burnt out, it’s so hard to pull ourselves away from the to-do-list (or, to drag yourself out of bed). But, I promise you— it’s worth the extra effort to bring activities you love into your life, even when it feels indulgent or impossible. The small moments add up and build to something bigger — namely, your sense of self.
xo,
Pooja
From the RSC archives:
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I also want to acknowledge some of the unseen factors that enabled me to pursue a non-traditional career path as a “freelance” psychiatrist and author. I did not have student loans thanks to my immigrant parents. As a psychiatrist, unlike other fields of medicine, it was more straightforward for me to go out on my own and open a private practice (versus other fields of medicine that require expensive medical equipment to practice). I did not have a kid until I was in my late 30’s, so I had more bandwidth to take risks well into my mid to late 30’s — including a significant pay-cut for a year+ while I was starting to pursue writing as a career, alongside a part-time private practice. I have a partner who has a regular job, and we get our health insurance through his work. He has been incredibly supportive of me taking big swings when the payoff is unclear.
I share this not to discourage anyone, but to give voice to the ways privilege has impacted my path.
I loved this post. It’s great learning about how you’ve carved out more time for a creative life and how you’ve built up your confidence along the way. And how neat that you now have a “writing studio”! (That’s a “one day” dream of mine)!
I loved reading this. We are taught in our medical training that the best way to be is the most fancypants, most peer-reviewed, longest-CV doctor, in order to make meaningful change. It has taken me years of unlearning - first to even believe in my worth and legitimacy as "just" a clinician (especially when close friends and former co-fellows are pursuing research).
But help is help is help; my friends can help people by seeing quarternary-level cases at their big research institutions, I can help by seeing bread and butter cases, they can help by speaking at conferences, I can help by writing my substack and reaching people that way, more than I can at the bedside in a day.
We are not suffering from an excess of access in our medical system, only the opposite; so if anyone who has the skills and training can be available to help people in any capacity (especially in this era of misinformation and predatory Big Wellness nonsense), it all counts.