This post put words to something I’ve struggled with for so long. The idea that the pause is the boundary—that we don’t have to respond, fix, or explain immediately—feels both obvious and impossible at the same time. My nervous system wants urgency, wants to make things right now, but every time I force myself to wait, I realize how much power is in that space.
And the trampoline metaphor? That’s everything. I’ve spent years either having no boundaries at all or locking things down like a fortress, convinced that if I didn’t build walls, I’d get swallowed whole. But real boundaries move. They flex. They give me a chance to check in with myself before reacting to someone else’s expectations.
Also, the part about “no” not always being immediately available? That hit hard. Boundaries aren’t just about saying no—they’re about building a life where saying no feels possible. Sometimes that takes time. Thank you for this—it’s a perspective shift I needed today.
I gave the same talk at two high schools today. i was asked to speak about "Personal Wellness." I included the topic of boundaries - limits set for yourself and others to promote your personal wellness. Both the kids and the adult mentors in both groups were very interested in talking about boundaries and had a lot of questions about how to apply them in relationships. We all need more training in this area. Glad to have found your work.
I love this, thanks! I worked with folks in 12 step recovery for a while and many of their mantras have stuck with me. One I love being: “Boundaries are not walls, they are fences with gates.” You control when, how, and why you choose to open and close the gate. The trampoline metaphor is great too!
I’m so happy to see this newsletter launch, I have dog eared your book and recommend it to all of my friends. Your work is so important, but even more so is the way you present and permission it for all of us. Thank you for doing this and being here.
This post put words to something I’ve struggled with for so long. The idea that the pause is the boundary—that we don’t have to respond, fix, or explain immediately—feels both obvious and impossible at the same time. My nervous system wants urgency, wants to make things right now, but every time I force myself to wait, I realize how much power is in that space.
And the trampoline metaphor? That’s everything. I’ve spent years either having no boundaries at all or locking things down like a fortress, convinced that if I didn’t build walls, I’d get swallowed whole. But real boundaries move. They flex. They give me a chance to check in with myself before reacting to someone else’s expectations.
Also, the part about “no” not always being immediately available? That hit hard. Boundaries aren’t just about saying no—they’re about building a life where saying no feels possible. Sometimes that takes time. Thank you for this—it’s a perspective shift I needed today.
“Building a life where no feels possible”. Exactly. So glad this helped you Kelly. Thanks for being here.
I gave the same talk at two high schools today. i was asked to speak about "Personal Wellness." I included the topic of boundaries - limits set for yourself and others to promote your personal wellness. Both the kids and the adult mentors in both groups were very interested in talking about boundaries and had a lot of questions about how to apply them in relationships. We all need more training in this area. Glad to have found your work.
I love this, thanks! I worked with folks in 12 step recovery for a while and many of their mantras have stuck with me. One I love being: “Boundaries are not walls, they are fences with gates.” You control when, how, and why you choose to open and close the gate. The trampoline metaphor is great too!
Thank you so much. I really needed this today.
This was so helpful, thank you!
Tremendous. Thank you for laying this all out. I’ve already sent it to a few clients and have it saved for the future.
I’m so happy to see this newsletter launch, I have dog eared your book and recommend it to all of my friends. Your work is so important, but even more so is the way you present and permission it for all of us. Thank you for doing this and being here.
Guilt doesn’t have to be our moral compass! 🤯