Three strategies for dealing with chaos
Certain tools for uncertain times.
I joined NPR’s 1A with host Jenn White earlier this week to talk about how to cope right now. Listen here.
Hello dear reader,
It’s been quite a week. Like many of you, I’ve been stressing and grieving and worrying. And I want to meet this moment and speak to you from the heart, as well as give you tangible ways to move forward in deeply uncertain times.
So, deep breath. Let’s talk more about how we can take care of our mental health, survive, and keep showing up — for ourselves and for each other.
Last week, I wrote about cultivating hope and shared an excerpt from my book, Real Self-care. Tools for hope include common coping skills like problem-solving, emotion regulation, activating a core identity, and relational coping.
Many of you responded with your own tools for hope, and how much my words resonated with you. If you follow me on Instagram, you know I’ve been posting daily “quick thoughts” on my page as a way to provide a respite from the storm (and, to be fair, to lean into one of my own coping mechanisms: writing). It’s clear many of us are grasping for solid ground right now.
So, in today’s letter, I’m laying out three strategies for you to lean on this week as we round out our first week post-election.
1) Understand what chaos does to the brain
When our external environment lacks order, the human brain tries to search for answers. It’s like walking into a messy room and reflexively picking things up and sorting them: dirty dishes go here, trash goes here, toys go here.
This “making sense of the senseless” is adaptive. In evolutionary terms, this is how humans categorized what’s safe from what’s dangerous, and, more recently, “good” from “bad.”
The thing is, in times of change and chaos, it’s harder for your brain to sort. There’s a lot going on, and it’s hard to know what is a genuine signal and what is just noise. It may take time, space, and information to figure it all out.
One thing is for sure, though: nobody knows what comes next. Nobody knows how to do this. We are all looking for a safe place to rest, to feel purpose, and to feel comforted. That urge is normal.
Your mantra: “My brain is in flight or flight. I need to simplify my life right now. What are the routines and comforts that help me feel more grounded?”
2) Stop grasping for certainty
If nobody really knows what comes next, then that means that now is the time to let go of “knowing” and, instead, lean into feeling, comforting, and getting your support structures in place. This means that you do not need to keep tabs on every single news cycle. You don’t need to know what wild/sad/enraging thing happened. The job in front of you remains clear no matter what the chaos monster proposes next: you get your own house in order, check on the people you care about, and lean into creating your routine and structure.
Watch out for: conversations that start with “Did you hear that he’s going to ___?” Politely change the subject or firmly let people know you’re not open to discussing that right now.
3) Lean into distraction
Don’t sleep on a good puzzle or picking up a new knitting project! This works because distraction is actually adaptive for the brain. (I’m always happy when a practice I see my patients put in place turns out to have an actual neuroscientific basis!)
One study showed that when you use distraction techniques, there is less activation in the amygdala (the part of the brain that processes emotions) and more activation in the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that acts like the CEO and does higher order planning and thinking). This shift is thought to help regulate a person’s emotional response.
Lean into: predictability (A follower messaged me to say that they just restarted Parks and Recreation for the umpteenth time last week. Great idea!)
I hope that these suggestions bring some grounding and ease into your week.
xo, Pooja
What are you doing to bring stability and grounding to your life right now? Share in the comments.
You are reading Real Self-Care, the weekly email newsletter written by psychiatrist and bestselling author Dr. Pooja Lakshmin MD.
📚 Order my book, Real Self-Care, as an e-book, hardcover, or audiobook.
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📲 For more post-election stress help, check out Pause Before You Scroll from the archives.
Decorating for the holidays albeit very early and aggressive crafting have proven a good way to disconnect. Also, no news and unfollowing accounts that get my heart rate up at least for now. I need to cope and be healthy to be able to take on whatever the next stage is.
Thanks so much for this post, Pooja. I have been finding those "Did you hear he's going to..." conversations incredibly stressful. However, I have been finding grounding through daily walks, writing and check ins with good friends. I am also doing my best to focus on what is in my control and where can I find joy. I feel the pull of shrinking, isolating and doom scrolling, but I know that does not serve me. I appreciate your reflections! I am so grateful for your voice at this time.