How to make December feel better

3 quick things if you're drowning right now.

photo credit New Africa via Shutterstock

Hello!

You’re hearing from me unexpectedly this afternoon!

I’m writing this on a flight for a work trip while I’m ignoring my overflowing to-do-list and watching House of the Dragon instead of being productive. I’m lowkey hanging on by a thread right now. I posted a couple videos on my Instagram stories over the weekend, talking about how between Justin’s work travel, my work travel, visiting my family, holiday shopping, etc etc, I am just SO TIRED.

I immediately got an avalanche of messages from y’all saying ME TOO.

Whether you are a parent or a caregiver or live alone with your five cats, I am guessing that you could use some extra real self-care right now. And, turns out, it’s real self-care for me to write to you, so I felt inspired to give you an extra dose of RSC this week. Don’t worry, you’ll still get my planned “Dear Pooja” letter later in the week (I will send it out on Friday instead of Wednesday though).

In today’s bonus letter I am sharing three real self-care strategies you can implement immediately to get a grip on your sanity in December.

Let’s jump in.

Steal my email auto-responder

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A post shared by @poojalakshmin

Last December I put up an email auto-responder letting people know that I’d be slow to respond. By setting expectations proactively I was exerting agency, which helped me feel in control and thus, less stressed. Interestingly, I got a ton of positive feedback on the auto-responder. I think we are all craving some slowness and less things in December.

I suggest you take the script below and adapt it for yourself, either as your email auto-response or in your email signature.

Here’s what I use:

Subject line: Slow to respond in December

Email text: Thank you for reaching out and for your support of my work. Please note, my response may be delayed due to the increased parenting demands that are sprinkled through December. Thanks for bearing with me.

If you are writing with a speaking or keynote inquiry, my team will return your message as soon as possible.

If you are writing with a press or podcast inquiry, please note that I am taking December off from interviews. If this is related to a 2025 inquiry, we will get back to you as soon as we can.

Thanks for reaching out and for your support of my work. I hope this holiday season brings you some real self-care!

Cut down the obligations.

Last year when I was on The Ezra Klein show talking to Tressie Mcmillan Cottom about wellness, I jokingly said that our to-do-lists were delusional. We laughed, but it’s true. (And, to be clear, I include myself in this shared sickness).

We are doing too much. It’s gotten out of hand.

So what can you do?

I'd recommend sitting down with a sheet of paper and creating two columns: "Obligations" and "Feels Fun."

Think of all the stuff on your calendar this month — think running errands for presents, or wrapping gifts, or holiday parties, or family gatherings. List all of the stuff that feels like an obligation under the first column and anything that actually feels fun under the second.

Then, in the “Obligations” column, rate each item as a 1, 2, or 3:

• 1’s: these are a non-negotiable items that cannot be missed or avoided (note: not every item on your list can be non-negotiable!)

• 2’s: This is a nice to have, perhaps a tradition that you’ve done every year that feels a little burdensome but that you’ve come to include in your standard operating practice for the holidays.

• 3’s: these are obligations that you keep showing up for due to fear of disappointing others or to not meeting expectations of extended family

Now, I want you to say goodbye to at least one 3 and two 2's for this holiday season.

Yes. Let them go. I know, it’s hard. But this is what we must do to reclaim our sanity. If letting go requires communicating a change to others, send a text and feel free to adapt this script if it helps: “It’s been a busier than expected December already and I’m feeling pretty burnt out. Because of that, I’ve decided to scale back some of our plans. I apologize for the last minute notice, but I’m afraid we won’t be able to make the event this year. I hope it’s a blast and we will be thinking of you. Let’s get together after the holiday chaos is over!”

For extra credit, go to the “Feels Fun” column and move an item up a week.

Remember your power

If you took one look at the last suggestion and wanted to run for the hills — I’m sorry. I know I’m dishing out some tough love today. If you are a woman, a mom, a parent, a caregiver, an eldest daughter, you're at risk for doing too much and the expectations of "making the magic happen" are so high.

And, I must remind you — YOU ARE IN CONTROL.

If you’re wondering how you can reclaim a sense of joy or fulfillment in December, the honest answer is: it’s up to YOU to do it.

When you lead, others will follow (some might grumble, yes. But if you’re doing the cooking, cleaning, gift wrapping, car-pooling, etc, then you’re the leader and it’s up to you to set the pace. Your job is not to be a doormat. Your job is to train others how to treat you.

I hope this helps. See y’all for more on Friday.

xo,

Pooja

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You are reading Real Self-Care, the weekly email newsletter written by psychiatrist and bestselling author Dr. Pooja Lakshmin MD.

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📲 For more on boundaries, check out Dig Into Dread from the archives.