How to lead during These Times
A conversation with 'Burnt Out to Lit Up' author Daisy Auger-Dominguez.
Hi folks!
I hope everyone’s long weekend and Thanksgiving festivities went as smoothly as possible. I really enjoyed reading the responses from so many of you who commented on last week’s letter on finding One Word to support you through the holidays. Your words included listen, curious, light, and sanctuary — powerful picks.
Today’s conversation, the third in my recent interview series, is coming at the perfect time, as so many of us are thinking about how to hold onto sources of strength and meaning as we look toward 2025.
I recently talked with Daisy Auger-Dominguez, Chief People Officer at companies like Google, Disney, and Vice; a DEI advocate; and a two-time author. In Daisy’s own words, she “helps managers, leaders, individual contributors, and organizations see, feel, and think about how they work differently — because that helps lighten up systems that are flawed.”
Daisy and I first connected at the Moms First Conference in New York this past summer. After we got to know each other, I read her second book, Burnt Out to Lit Up: How to Reignite the Joy of Leading People, and I feel like it came to me at exactly the right time.
Since becoming an author, I’ve been changing and building my business beyond psychiatry in so many ways, and hiring the right people to help me along the way. In short, I am still learning how to be a good manager, and Daisy’s book taught me a lot. It’s about Daisy’s own burnout, her radical work sabbatical, and how she found joy in work again. But it’s also about being a capable, empathetic, and human-first leader.
In our conversation, we discussed everything from how to survive a book launch to how to know you are burnt out at work. You can watch our whole conversation on YouTube, or check out a bit of our conversation below.
Today, I’d like to offer up four invaluable lessons Daisy shared with me on leading as your best self during challenging times.
Daisy’s tips on leading well during These Times
1. Be strategically mediocre
We are taught to give everything our all and excel at everything we do — but that’s simply not possible. To be exceptional at a few intentional things, we have to be mediocre at the rest of them.
Daisy says that embracing mediocrity came to her much later in her career, since she often had to excel because she was so often the only woman, woman of color, and Spanish speaker in the room. But during the pandemic, as the rules of work started to change and no one really knew what was going on (including her as the head of HR), she let go of striving for perfection.
Daisy says:
“Being strategically mediocre to me means just making it a little lighter for me. I don't have to do all the things. If I do two things really well that change the outcome for someone, that make things a little better for someone else, that is fine. And I'm going to give not just myself permission to do that, but I'm going to give you permission to do that as my team member.”
2. Remember your power
Daisy’s had a lot of experience (as most of us have) with being at the end of her rope, but still needing to show up for her responsibilities at work and at home.
In those moments we feel out of control, it’s helpful to focus on what we do have control over. Spoiler alert: it’s our own responses, actions, and boundaries. We can pause, breath, and ask ourselves, What do I have the power to do to affect positive change in this situation, right now?
“We just assume that power resides somewhere else, not in us, and it's like, it's somebody else who will take care of it. We forget, no, no — it's here. I have agency, even as an individual contributor. And I get this often, like, ‘Oh, Daisy, well, when you're a leader you have all this power.’ Yeah, there's different positional privilege and power, but every one of us has the power to be able to pause and think and ask and boundary build. What can help create your best conditions for you to show up as your best self for yourself and for everybody else?”
3. Celebrate the small wins
It’s a universal truth of human nature that if 10 good things happen to us in a day, we focus on and remember the one bad thing that happened instead. At home, it’s easy to skip over celebrating everyday wins and achievements, while at work, projects are often finished and moved past without taking the proper time to soak in the glory of a job well done. It’s so often, “What’s next?” rather than “What can I celebrate now?” (That’s the hedonic treadmill for you.)
“To do that for ourselves and our teams we need to take moments to spotlight how everyone's work ties into the broader mission of the organization, because we all want to feel seen and affirmed and valued.”
Some easy ways to celebrate at work:
Share positive customer feedback
Share success stories
Share project milestones that remind people of the impact that they're making.
But, here’s the tricky part: you have to practice the same celebrations for yourself.
Daisy recommends regularly asking yourself:
What is my “why” at work? At home?
What is the impact I’m making? And is it the impact I want to be making?
What am I proud of lately?
“We don't spend enough time sprinkling gratitude like confetti. We don’t spend enough time sharing what we actually do like about work. We like to spend a lot of time talking about all the things that are awful at work. And, by the way, they're true, and complaining is fun; all of that has its space. But we expend energy when we do that, and we gain energy when we remind ourselves with gratitude and joy and wins. What is it that really, truly excites you about work? Remember that joy.”
4. Ignore the distractions
Daisy’s had a hard time sorting through her post-election feelings (I can relate), and the barrage of horrible news has already started flooding our phones. Daisy asked herself, “How do I stay attached and present so that I can stay whole for myself and for others during what's to come?”
“We have been through unprecedented chaos, and have allowed ourselves to get distracted by it. I will not allow myself to get distracted by it now. I know that all these things are going to be coming at me. I get to choose how and when I respond to these moments. It's a practice, but what serves me well is to stay connected and stay grounded in the moment. [All of that is] meant to distract me so that I don't show up as my best self. Not today.”
I ended our conversation by asking Daisy to tell me about one boundary she set in the last week. I loved her response:
“The most basic boundary has been not to allow myself to be doomscrolling all day long. Social media is my tool to communicate with others. Writing is my coping mechanism. So I go in twice a day, I post, I share and connect with others. But I don’t doomscroll to the point of getting myself out of the place of harmony that I'm trying to stay in.”
What’s one way you show up as a leader at work or at home? Tell me in the comments.
xo,
Pooja
What paid subscribers got this week:
After being back in my childhood home for the first time in nearly a decade, I reminisce about the time I came back after leaving the cult, and shared what a friend did to help me return to myself.
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