Friend or Faux?

Answering a reader question.

Last week I wrote about answering “How are you” with truthfulness.

In response, I got the following DM from a reader:

What if the person who is asking you doesn't REALLY want to hear how you are feeling? I have a friend who, after asking me how things are going for me, consistently turns the conversation back to herself. She doesn’t trauma-dump, but, I’ve noticed that it’s hard for her to keep the focus on me. This is a person who has been in my life for years (we met at our first job out of college and became fast friends). But, lately there has been some heavy stuff going on in my life. I feel like despite saying that she wants to support me, it doesn’t feel that way and I always leave our conversations feeling a little irritated.

If you read last week's note, you’ll remember I provided some quick tips on situations like this:

How Are You? (for Real)

However, this reader’s question made me realize that this question deserved its own note. So, today I’m providing a more in-depth framework you can use to consider who to share personal parts yourself with, whether it’s a friend, a family member, or even an acquaintance.

First, here are a couple steps to consider: