Dear Pooja: My boss sucks. How do I deal?
Comparing the two kinds of bad bosses.
Hi folks! Welcome to the first edition of Dear Pooja, a monthly advice column where I’ll answer your questions about life, mental health, and navigating real self-care. I’m kicking things off today with a question about dealing with a crappy boss. To submit your own question that I might answer in the future, just reply to this email, or email me at pooja@poojalakshmin.com with the subject line DEAR POOJA.
Dear Pooja,
I’m in my 40s and work in corporate America, and lately, my boss has been making my job miserable. She micromanages everything I do and is super vague when giving directions. One minute she wants me to be more proactive, but when I am, she criticizes me for not following her (unspoken) expectations. I feel like I’m always guessing — and always wrong.
For example, last week I stayed late to finish a project she said was a "priority." The next morning, she told me I should have waited for her input before completing it, even though she hadn’t mentioned that earlier.
On top of that, there’s constant pressure to be available 24/7, and if I’m not, I feel guilty. I’m exhausted, burned out, and it’s starting to affect my family and sleep. But I can’t just quit; I’m well-paid, one of my kids gets therapy covered by my insurance, and I have a mortgage to think about.
So, here’s my question: Is my boss just clueless, or is she actually a narcissist trying to make my life hell? And either way, how do I handle this without making things worse?
Sincerely,
Burnt Out and Confused
Dear Burnt Out and Confused,
I love this question. As I’ve been interfacing more with corporate America over the years, I often get asked about workplace issues like how to deal with a terrible boss, or if one should leave a job.
But, your question gets to the heart of what anyone who works in corporate and has a difficult manager should be asking themselves first: What kind of bad boss do I have?
