Dear Pooja: My boss sucks. How do I deal?

Comparing the two kinds of bad bosses.

Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

Hi folks! Welcome to the first edition of Dear Pooja, a monthly advice column where I’ll answer your questions about life, mental health, and navigating real self-care. I’m kicking things off today with a question about dealing with a crappy boss. To submit your own question that I might answer in the future, just reply to this email, or email me at pooja@poojalakshmin.com with the subject line DEAR POOJA.

---

Dear Pooja,

I’m in my 40s and work in corporate America, and lately, my boss has been making my job miserable. She micromanages everything I do and is super vague when giving directions. One minute she wants me to be more proactive, but when I am, she criticizes me for not following her (unspoken) expectations. I feel like I’m always guessing — and always wrong.

For example, last week I stayed late to finish a project she said was a "priority." The next morning, she told me I should have waited for her input before completing it, even though she hadn’t mentioned that earlier.

On top of that, there’s constant pressure to be available 24/7, and if I’m not, I feel guilty. I’m exhausted, burned out, and it’s starting to affect my family and sleep. But I can’t just quit; I’m well-paid, one of my kids gets therapy covered by my insurance, and I have a mortgage to think about.

So, here’s my question: Is my boss just clueless, or is she actually a narcissist trying to make my life hell? And either way, how do I handle this without making things worse?

Sincerely,
Burnt Out and Confused

Dear Burnt Out and Confused,

I love this question. As I’ve been interfacing more with corporate America over the years, I often get asked about workplace issues like how to deal with a terrible boss, or if one should leave a job.

But, your question gets to the heart of what anyone who works in corporate and has a difficult manager should be asking themselves first: What kind of bad boss do I have?